Movement is a funny thing. In traffic, you want it. Desperately. Sell your left kidney kind of desperately.
In an earthquake, not so much. You want it to stop. Desperately. Now, sell your right kidney kind of desperately.
In spirituality, and life, and relationships, it’s just as mercurial. When things are awesome, and the moon shines up above, and the stars twinkle, and all is right in the world, you want things to stay just as they are. You beg God to leave things perfectly in position for just a little while longer.
But, when things are rough, you want them to morph, to shift, to change. I’ve come to understand that rough times are unavoidable. It’s shallow, and perhaps even unhuman, to wish to never undergo trials. Challenges are inescapable. They’re even good in a lot of ways.
But, what makes challenges sometimes inexplicably hard to suffer is when they grow stagnant, when you get stuck. When you find yourself running over all the same bumps over and over on the same road, going nowhere. I’ve thought recently, I know I can’t necessarily trade hardship for happiness. But, dear God, can I just get a different hardship? Can it just at least be fresh? I’ll take the challenges, I’ll even embrace them, please, just give me a new one. Whether it’s a new place, or a new relationship, or a new academic endeavor. Just new, please, just move, please.
Because the thing is, there’s hope in the movement. In the last several months of hardship, challenge, pain, all the bad stuff, there was movement. Movement brings a sense of purpose. I am going somewhere. I am becoming someone else, someone better. I’m not going to be here forever. I’m not stuck. Maybe there are still challenges, but praise God with his healing and liberation, they don’t have to be the same.
And praise God that sometimes, He gives us the freedom to pick our next challenge. I know I have good things ahead in life, and I know I have hard things ahead. I just pray that I find myself often in a place where the good doesn’t stay so good for so long that I become comfortable, and ease becomes my idol. And, I pray that I don’t find myself in a place again where the bad stays bad for so long that I despair it will ever change and self pity becomes my idol. I’ve been both places, and the remedy is always movement.
Thank you, God, for movement. I don’t know exactly where to, I don’t know exactly how, but I know it’s not back and for right now, it’s enough.